ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
