I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
