She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Boobs speak an international language.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
