he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
