Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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