some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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