And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
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So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
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Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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