do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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