i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The beers last night were like the tears from god
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
