I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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