Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
