Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Randomize
