I wish I could teleport
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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