At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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