At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
