got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
NoShamevember. You game?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
