I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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