He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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