i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Randomize
