At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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