Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
