i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
