the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
