We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
