we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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