It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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