so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
