Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
