I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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