Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
