Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
