definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize