I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
