If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
