Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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