he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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