I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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