Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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