I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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