Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
