Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
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