thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
