Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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