she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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