Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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