Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
