I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
