so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
