Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
