Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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