Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
