So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
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Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
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I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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