how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
