I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
