thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
