Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
