then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
