Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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