whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
