Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize