i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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