I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
