Christians are straight up FREAKS
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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